Building a Real Marriage

The Purpose of Marriage:

God created marriage to reflect Christ and the Church through unity (Ephesians 5:31-32) and to build family (Genesis 1:28).

A real marriage is a relationship grounded in unconditional love and mutual growth, where spouses support each other on the spiritual and emotional journey.

A functional marriage is characterized by peaceful, efficient cohabitation, with communication focused on tasks and the fulfillment of defined roles.

We enter marriage with the idea that all our emotional needs should be met within it.

Unmet needs become emotional deficits:

• Unconditional love – The need to be loved without conditions.
• Approval – The desire to receive recognition and acceptance.
• Belonging – The need to feel part of a group or community.
• Understanding – The desire to be understood in one's emotions and experiences.
• Emotional security – The need for a safe environment in which to express feelings.
• Validation – The need to have one's emotions and experiences recognized as legitimate.
• Autonomy – The need to have control over one's own life and decisions.
• Intimacy – The desire for deep, meaningful connections with others.
• Purpose – The need to find meaning and significance in life.
• Support – The need for emotional and practical support in difficult moments.

A functional marriage happens at the level of the soul (unmet needs addressed).

A real marriage happens at the level of the spirit (established spirituality).

A functional marriage desires:

1. Stability – Cohabitation without major conflicts, focused on maintaining balance.
2. Routine – Efficient division of responsibilities and routines.
3. Practicality – Practical resolution of immediate problems.
4. Logistics – Communication focused on tasks and organization.
5. Avoidance – Steering clear of deep and difficult conversations.
6. Superficiality – Limited and shallow emotional connection.
7. Harmony – Focus on maintaining peace and coexistence.

A real marriage pursues:

1. Transformation – A continuous pursuit of personal and spiritual growth.
2. Intimacy – Deep, vulnerable emotional connection.
3. Sacrifice – Unconditional love, even in difficult moments.
4. Courage – Honest confrontation of conflict for the sake of growth.
5. Service – Mutual support and sacrifice for the benefit of the other.
6. Dependence – God as the foundation of the relationship.
7. Growth – Continuous evolution as a couple and as individuals.

The devil wants to give us a dysfunctional marriage;

We want a functional marriage;

God wants to give us a real marriage.